Attachment Disorder

at·tach·ment [uh-tach-muhnt] –noun 2. a feeling that binds one to a person, thing, cause, ideal, or the like; devotion;.."
dis·or·der [dis-awr-der] –noun 4. a disturbance in physical or mental health or functions; malady or dysfunction.

At 'face value' one has to really ponder the meaning of these words to get the full meaning as it relates to initial deprivation and neglect by birth parents, foster care and adoption.

Attachment is the deep and lasting connection established between a child and caregiver in the first few years of life. It profoundly affects your child’s development and his or her ability to express emotions and develop relationships.

If you are the parent of a child with an attachment disorder, such as reactive attachment disorder, you may be physically and emotionally exhausted from trying to connect with your child, only to be met with opposition, defiance, or, maybe hardest of all, indifference.

A child with insecure attachment or an attachment disorder doesn’t have the skills necessary to build meaningful relationships. However, with the right tools, and a healthy dose of time, effort, patience, and love, it is possible to treat and repair attachment difficulties.

Children with attachment disorders or other attachment problems have difficulty connecting to others and managing their own emotions. This results in a lack of trust and self-worth, a fear of getting close to anyone, anger, and a need to be in control. A child with an attachment disorder feels unsafe and alone.

So why do some children develop attachment disorders while others don’t? The answer has to do with the attachment process, which relies on the interaction of both parent and child.

Attachment disorders are the result of negative experiences in this early relationship. If young children feel repeatedly abandoned, isolated, powerless, or uncared for—for whatever reason—they will learn that they can’t depend on others and the world is a dangerous and frightening place.

What causes reactive attachment disorder and other attachment problems?
Reactive attachment disorder and other attachment problems occur when children have been unable to consistently connect with a parent or primary caregiver. This can happen for many reasons:

A baby cries and no one responds or offers comfort.

A baby is hungry or wet, and they aren’t attended to for hours.

No one looks at, talks to, or smiles at the baby, so the baby feels alone.

A young child gets attention only by acting out or displaying other extreme behaviors.

A young child or baby is mistreated or abused.

Sometimes the child’s needs are met and sometimes they aren’t. The child never knows what to expect.

The infant or young child is hospitalized or separated from his or her parents.

A baby or young child is moved from one caregiver to another (can be the result of adoption, foster care, or the loss of a parent).

The parent is emotionally unavailable because of depression, an illness, or a substance abuse problem.

As the examples show, sometimes the circumstances that cause the attachment problems are unavoidable. But the child is too young to understand what has happened and why. To a young child, it just feels like no one cares and they lose trust in others and the world becomes an unsafe place.

Our family is going into our fifteenth year in dealing with these issues concerning attachment disorder within our family. Over the next few days, join me as I explore this complex topic and share our personal experiences. It is our hope and prayer that through sharing our story we can be of a help to someone and continue in our own healing process.