"So, Apparently I Have a Disability...."

After reading yesterday's blog post to my daughter, she said, "So, apparently, I have a disability".
dis·a·ble  [dis-ey-buhl] –verb (used with object), -bled, -bling. 1. to make unable or unfit; weaken or destroy the capability of; cripple; incapacitate: He was disabled by blindness. 2.to make legally incapable; disqualify.
dis·a·bil·i·ty [dis-uh-bil-i-tee] –noun, plural -ties 1. lack of adequate power, strength, or physical or mental ability; incapacity.

Her bold statement was followed by an awkward silence. It suddenly became clear that even before I began to research the subject of attachment disorders pertaining to adoption, I had been assuming 'guilt by association'. After all, she was adopted, her Mom neglected her, Dad was never a part of her life, she was in and out of foster care till she was 7 years old.

Let's do the math...

1+1+1+1=4 correct??

Not necessarily...

Thankfully, as in countless times before, the Holy Spirit came to the rescue to help bail me out of the mess I had gotten myself into. As always, He pointed us to Christ and allowed us to use this situation as a learning tool for both of us.

During the awkward silence immediately following my daughter's bold statement, my thoughts turned towards the deprivation of mankind. I mean, since the fall of man, don't we all suffer from being disabled?

Look back at the definition of disable. The example sentence used is "He was disabled by blindness." When Adam made the choice to disobey God and eat of the tree that he was commanded not to eat of, mankind experienced a spiritual blindness. We were separated from God.

I am so thankful that God made a way for us to regain our sight. He sent His only begotten Son as payment for our sins and the sins of the whole world.

It became obvious that I had forgotten to factor in certain equations into our "problem" such as:

~The Love of God that we experienced at the new birth and on a daily basis
~Daily provision of prayer
~God's Word and all of His Good Promises
~The Holy Spirit's Power to enable us to get through each day
~The countless number of God's Perfect Attributes ...

I believe this would cancel out some of the numbers in our original problem... don't you?

Let's redo the math...

1+1+1+1 + GOD = 0 ∞ (mathematical symbol for infinity)

Now...There is a solution that has been checked and rechecked.

The solution is Jesus. He has always been, is and always will be True. He has never failed one time!

"Blessed [be] the LORD, that hath given rest unto his people Israel, according to all that he promised: there hath not failed one word of all his good promise, which he promised by the hand of Moses his servant." 1Kings 8:56

To learn more about the free gift of salvation go to: http://www.lighthouse-baptist.com/go/free-gift or click on the link under helpful links above right.

THE LOVE OF GOD
The love of God is greater far
Than tongue or pen can ever tell;
It goes beyond the highest star,
And reaches to the lowest hell;
The guilty pair, bowed down with care,
God gave His Son to win;
His erring child He reconciled,
And pardoned from his sin.

Oh, love of God, how rich and pure!
How measureless and strong!
It shall forevermore endure—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

When hoary time shall pass away,
And earthly thrones and kingdoms fall,
When men who here refuse to pray,
On rocks and hills and mountains call,

God’s love so sure, shall still endure,
All measureless and strong;
Redeeming grace to Adam’s race—
The saints’ and angels’ song.

Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;

To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

When Adopted Children Become Adults

At what point can we say a child becomes an adult? Some say age 18, some say 21. Regardless of the age, parenting and caring for adopted children with hidden disabilities will likely become more challenging as the child approaches adulthood. No matter the amount or quality of therapy, care or love they receive; the fact remains that many behaviors found in young children with special needs will follow them well into their adult years.

Oftentimes, it is very difficult for parents or caregivers to discern if the behaviors being exhibited are associated with a disorder or if they are "normal" age appropriate behaviors. If and when this is determined, the challenge of finding and utilizing the proper method of discipline for children with hidden disabilities can be extremely challenging.

Here are a few helpful tips from one of my favorite resources (helpguide.org). Although these are geared toward younger children, I believe they can be helpful when dealing with young adults with attachment disorder, fetal alcohol syndrome, as well as hidden disabilities and emotional disorders.


"~Take charge, yet remain calm when your child is upset or misbehaving. Remember that “bad” behavior means that your child doesn’t know how to handle what he or she is feeling and needs your help. By staying calm, you show your child that the feeling is manageable. If he or she is being purposefully defiant, follow through with the pre-established consequences in a cool, matter-of-fact manner. But never discipline a child with an attachment disorder when you’re in an emotionally-charged state. This makes the child feel more unsafe and may even reinforce the bad behavior, since it’s clear it pushes your buttons.

~Be immediately available to reconnect following a conflict. Conflict can be especially disturbing for children with insecure attachment or attachment disorders. After a conflict or tantrum where you’ve had to discipline your child, be ready to reconnect as soon as he or she is ready. This reinforces your consistency and love, and will help your child develop a trust that you’ll be there through thick and thin.

~Own up to mistakes and initiate repair. When you let frustration or anger get the best of you or you do something you realize is insensitive, quickly address the mistake. Your willingness to take responsibility and make amends can strengthen the attachment bond. Children with reactive attachment disorder or other attachment problems need to learn that although you may not be perfect, they will be loved, no matter what..."


Of course, there are also steps we can take, in advance, to try and prevent or eliminate certain behaviors.

"...~Set limits and boundaries. Consistent, loving boundaries make the world seem more predictable and less scary to children with attachment problems such as reactive attachment disorder. It’s important that they understand what behavior is expected of them, what is and isn’t acceptable, and what the consequences will be if they disregard the rules. This also teaches them that they have more control over what happens to them than they think.

~Try to maintain predictable routines and schedules. A child with an attachment disorder won’t instinctively rely on loved ones, and may feel threatened by transition and inconsistency—for example when traveling or during school vacations. A familiar routine or schedule can provide comfort during times of change..."


Remember..
*celebrate successes
*don't dwell on failures
*your child is fearfully and wonderfully made 'as is'
*there is JOY in your journey!


"Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths." Proverbs 3:5-6

The Head of the House

Although this cartoon is meant to be humorous... there is much to be said for a godly leader in a home in the day and time in which we live.



Our home is blessed to have one of the godliest men in the world as the head of our household.







What a Spiritual Leader May Look Like: Seventeen Characteristics of a Spiritual Leader

God has designed men to be the leaders of their home, their wife and
their kids. Reflect on these traits and see how you rate yourself based
on th ese guidelines of being a spiritual leader of your family.

1. He is the prayer leader at home

2. He has the family finances in order

3. He mentors his kids

4. He is a role model for his family & friends

5. He provides security & protection for the family

6. He meets the emotional needs of his wife & kids

7. He provides good, clean clear communication to his wife & kids

8. He strives to have a gentle tone in his words with his wife & kids

9. He is honorable & respectful to his wife & kids

10. He is an honest & trustworthy husband & dad

11. He is a responsible husband & dad

12. He is vulnerable with his wife & kids

13. He shows meekness to his wife & kids

14. He knows how to have fun with his wife & kids

15. He strives to be a man of integrity to his wife, family & friends

16. He strives to walk his talk to his wife, family & friends

17. He strives to show unconditional love to his wife & kids

Thank you, Ron Haney for being all of this and more. We are praying for you as you lead us.