Are we 'there' yet?

Each milestone it seems that we should 'arrive' at some point. But I am learning that this is not the case. I will be the first to admit that I seem to be suffering with separation issues concerning my oldest daughter.

When I adopted her, something within me changed. God seemed to knit our hearts together so tightly that I don't think we were ever meant to be separated. She had gone through so much, that I promised nothing would ever happen to her to put her in that situation ever again.. and I was going to see to it that it didn't.

Now, she is old enough to be on her own.. old enough, but not ready. Not ready, because I have held her too tightly.

Enter fear...

God is working on me.. helping me to release her in the proper manner.

Stay tuned...

Through the Fires

As we look towards a Mother/Daughter Banquet at our church, and I read about the speaker that is to bring a testimony of her own mother pulling her from a fire, surviving after 60 + surgeries, I can't help but think of our adoption story. It is equally amazing to me to think of just what adoptive families go through from day to day as we continually pull our daughters and sons out of fire after fire. From the fires of deprivation and rejection, to dealing with loss and special needs, acceptance by peers and others, to the continual picking up of the broken pieces; each day brings a different type of fire with different wounds and 'surgeries' the Lord performs on our hearts. Although it is a great tragedy, having gone through physical pain of a fire, we cannot begin to imagine the hidden scars of our own sons and daughters. I am thankful for the Great Physician that heals us from all our diseases, both physical and emotional.

April 7th, 2010

Tomorrow will be exactly 3 months that our oldest daughter drove away from the hotel parking lot in Powell Tennessee to begin a new chapter of her life at Crown Bible College. It really seems like alot more than three months have passed. One thing I realized is that when I asked the LORD to knit our hearts together those 10 years ago, HE REALLY knit them together!

As much as I selfishly looked forward to the peace that would surely come with only having one teenager in the home to worry about, I realized just how much the seemingly troubling "issues" were paramount in keeping my ultimate peace! Today I long for a phone call, email or facebook post, only to find a daughter that is too busy with friends and her hectic schedule to have a minute to contact her parents.



My husband gently reminds me of how we treated our parents at that age, putting our friends first, not contacting them for weeks at a time, and not even realizing the hurt that we may have caused them. He reminds me of how the Bible tells us ultimately to leave our mothers and our homes when we are married...I wonder if this is what it means to "raise our children in sorrow".

As our youngest daughter looks at getting her driver's license and finishes her first year of high school I can't help but realize how it seems like yesterday that our oldest was doing the same. Seems like just yesterday. These precious moments are fleeting.

Enjoy your precious time with your children, for too soon they will be gone.

Suddenly...an only child

Life!
Changes...

One day you wake up and you are 15 years old.

Everything has changed.

Why Are You Still Awake at 4 am?

As the time rapidly approaches that we travel to Crown College to be sure Mary is safe in the arms of her resident assistant, I feel like Hannah may have felt the night before taking Samuel to Eli to serve the Lord at the Temple.

Did Hannah have the same thoughts as I do this early morning hour? Did she go back to the day when Samuel became part of her heart? Did she wonder if the good outweighed the bad in her raising this child? Did she ponder how God had blessed her, if only temporarily, with a child, knowing she would have to give it back one day? And, what about how our Great God must have felt allowing His Only Begotten Son to die on a cruel rugged cross so that we might live with him eternally?

As I hand my daughter back to her Heavenly Father I can't help but cry tears of grief along with tears of joy.

Tears of grief as I think of all the things I should have taken time to do with her. Tears of grief over the things I took way to seriously throughout our years together. Tears of grief over how I will miss her sweet spirit and kindness in our home. Tears of grief over the joy she brought to our lives that will be but a memory.

Tears of joy as I think of the Creator of the universe loving me enough to give me a daughter such as Mary. Tears of joy as I think of Him lovingly looking down upon her and seeing her need. Tears of joy as I think of Him lovingly looking down upon me and seeing my need and putting us together as Mother and Daughter. Tears of joy as I see a church family rally around this child as she prepares for her next step in the journey. Tears of joy as I think of the possiblity of Almighty God using our daughter Mary to draw others unto Him.

He will take care of her as he has been doing all of her life. I know there will be times of sadness as we miss the 'little things' that we took for granted. His Word reminds me that His Grace is all sufficient and His strength is made perfect in our weakness.

How did Hannah's younger children handled their older sibling leaving their home? I think of our own Lizzie-Beth and how she must be feeling about her sister leaving. Mary has been here from the beginning... and now it all seems to have happened so fast!

How did Hannah's husband handled his beloved child leaving home? Or, how did Rebecca's father feel as his beloved daughter lited upon a camel in search of her future? Did he greatly miss his daughter, and did he have difficulty dealing with his emotions?


And yet in these early pre-dawn hours He whispers to me "My child, My Grace is sufficient, My Strength is made perfect in your weakness." and it is well with my soul.