Tougher than you think

When I started this adventure in "blog world" I was so excited to be able to share our story with the world! It was easy at first. As I retell the story, much of the pain resurfaces when I speak of my girls and the seperation from their family. Christmas can be a difficult time of year for everyone, particularly those that have been adopted.

Christmas is truly the time of giving, but over the years, I have often asked why it is so concentrated on one time of the year!? I remember our first Christmas with the girls and their brother. We put up our tree in our living room and every inch was literally covered with gifts.. Mostly from the DFACS warehouse.

As we are approaching our 11th anniversary of the finalization of our adoption, I am amazed at the changes that have taken place in all of our lives.

I look forward to continuing our journey... little by little...

COLLEGE?

Aside from the running story line... I have to post that we just sent Mary on a journey to check out a college in another state. When she left, reality set in that my little girl with the bouncing baby doll on her knee could very well be leaving us in the not to distant future.

Seems like a dresam..

Just yesterday she was trying out for Volleyball in high school... today...she begins her journey on trying out for college life!

A LITTLE INPUT FROM DAD

"Oh I remember that day", my husband said thoughtfully as I explained the part in my story about the day I brought Elizabeth home from the hospital. "You went into the house and Lizzie was in her car seat. I just sat and talked to her for awhile and said 'so, how are you doing?' and she answered, matter-of-factly "ok", just like she does today." There was a moment of bliss between my husband and I as we reflected on that day 12 years ago. How quickly time has gone by. How incredibly blessed we have been! I am hoping Dad will try his hand at a little blogging about our story. He has much to tell from a Daddy's perspective and I know it will be a blessing to others as they read.

THE "VISIT"

One of the main requirements of the "PLAN" at DFACS is reuinifiation. This is all well and good unless...

Our caseworker called to tell us that we needed to come to the office for a 'visit'.
We walked into the room where Mom, boyfriend, grandparents, siblings, and others were waiting. It all seemed fine... at first. We left Elizabeth in the room with her family. After about 45 minutes, we were summond. I walked into the room and couldn't help but see Mary bouncing a doll baby on her lap, crying very hard. That image will be forever engraved in my heart. "Mom" handed Liz to me and she lunged towards me.."Momma Ginger!! Momma Ginger !!"...

We said good bye to Shane, who seemed, quite possibly under some type of disillusion thinking maybe there was hope for reunification. Mary was still bouncing her baby, crying uncontrollably. When "Mom" handed Elizabeth to me she said "Now you have two mommies", and that was the last I saw of her, except at the table when she signed the release forms.

Still, the memory of Mary remained... I could not erase it from my mind. ("2 daughers"... "Ron.. we have to see about Mary..") We contacted DFACS the very next day.

(to be continued....)

Momma Ginger

We would not have our own children. It was a decision that was made for us many years ago, years before we met. The thing is, we were locked in..in love...ONE...so, naturally we wanted to raise a family. We began to pray about adoption. I think it is pretty amazing how the LORD seems to just drop specific things into our spirits that we should pray for.

Doors began to open and we began walking through. We signed up for adoption classes with Gwinnett County DFACS. The paperwork red tape itself was a huge challenge, as is just about anything and everything involving our fair government. Gwinnett County DFACS is no different.

Of course we dreamed of an infant, wrapped in "swaddling clothes", the smell of anything Johnson's put out for Baby's, but God had other plans for us...

More praying..

I was beginning to seriously feel impressed to pray for a girl. So, I started down that road. Over the course of fulfilling the 12 week adoption class requirements, we learned that we must accomplish many things, that, to us, had absolutely nothing to do with adopting children. (bureaucracy at its finest). We had to have a certain size septic tank, psychological exams, physicals, more i's to dot and t's to cross than anyone could imagine. It's a wonder anyone withstands the process. It compares to labor pains....but on an emotional level.. yes, emotional labor pains...

More prayer...

God seemed to be speaking to our heart about our prayers. I was deep in prayer one evening and it was as though he said "Pray for two"... Pray for two daughters...?? ok.. so, the vigil began... 2 daughters...

We finished our classes... got the certificate and was told... "Don't expect anything right away. Some people wait years... and, by the way, whatever you do "DON'T GET ATTACHED TO THE CHILDREN". RIIIIIIGHT!

The call came that weekend.

"Mrs. Haney?"
"yes"
"There is a little girl at Gwinnett Medical needing placement".

At that point my heart flew out of my chest to heaven and back... (I felt as close as I ever had relating to how the Lord Jesus may have felt leading captivity captive.)

"I have to call my husband... I'll call you right back".

"Hi Ron"
"Hey"
"DFACS is calling and they said they have a little girl, what should we do?".
"Well, go get her!"

Two daughters? Must have been my wires getting crossed...

I arrived at the hospital where Elizabeth, Mary and Shane were in an examination room. Liz was sitting on the exam table and Mary and Shane were busy playing with toys...

Mary Anne (the case worker) introduced me to Liz and to Mary and Shane. Shane was very wary of me. I took him to the side and looked him in the eyes and promised I would take very good care of his sister. He seemed skeptical, but I think he believed my sincerity. Mary was so busy playing she seemed oblivious... I remember thinking... Mary sure seems like a happy little girl.

I carried Elizabeth to the car. She held on tight. She was quiet but cooperative. She was two years old. They told me to save her clothes, but they were so old and I just had to throw them away. I wish now I would have kept them. It was the only link she had to her past, besides her brother and sister.

We had fixed up her room with bunkbeds and a dresser. She wasn't very receptive the first few days. As a matter of fact she stood in her room crying much of the time the first day. Ron, right away began to console and comfort. God was beginning to knit our hearts together.

From the very first day she called me "Momma Ginger"...

(to be continued...)

Cyber-reaction

Sometimes we put things out into cyber world without a clue as to what type of fruit, if any, it will yield. We have had alot of positive responses to this blog. Some have encouraged us beyond measure, some have thrilled us with their visions for the future of helping others understand the true meaning of adoption, and others have pointed out areas that need addressing. We are so grateful for honest hearts and passion for the cause.

One thing that was brought to our attention is the fact that, while encouraging adoptive families and those touched by adoption to post, we failed to recognize those that have been adopted. By my friend bringing this to my attention, it helped me to realize how, often times, we get so focused on our own involvement in situations,(or our "take" on matters), that we forget about those very ones that we are advocating for! I had to ask myself how often do I get on my soap box and preach about issues that seem to consume my very existence, and not see things through the eyes of those that are directly affected?

I have so much to share from the "adoptive Mom's" point of view, but, other than gleaning from my own daughters' experiences, I could never begin to truly share exactly the things that someone who has been adopted experiences. I hope that, over time, we will hear from others about the many different facets of adoption... particularly from the adopted.

In the coming weeks, I hope to share my own perspective as birth mother. I look forward to hearing from you!

In His Hands~
Momma Ginger