"Ten is the number of completion" I've always heard. It's Bible, I think. Ten commandments.. makes sense. So, we have 10 days left before Mary leaves our home and launches 'out to the deep'... 10 days left experiencing "life as we know it". In ten days, another page turns and another chapter begins. There have been so many 'what if's' that have passed through my mind lately.
First, I realize that I am far from the Mother I should have been. With motherhood comes times of frustration, unsurety, pent up emotions, life pressures, etc. Even though many may judge (and, believe me, they do,) people that have not experienced adoption can not possibly know what one goes through in being a Mother to someone whose biological parents gives them up for adoption.
One may see me as "hard" on my daughters. They do not know. How can they possibly know the things we must go through to allow our Father to knit our hearts together... iron sharpening iron, burning off the dross? How can they possibly know what has taken place in our hearts and lives these past 12 years, since God first "formed" our family and gave us our beautiful daughters?
I ask myself how someone that has only biological children would handle situations common to those that have been adopted. Sure,there are many things that I know I should have handled differently... with a gentler spirit, no doubt.. But nobody... NOBODY loves Mary and Elizabeth Haney as much as I.. their Mother... does.
So, during these final days of "completion" I am praying that God would give us Grace and confidence in knowing we have done His Will and forgiveness for those times that we have failed. Grace to prepare our oldest daughter for further grooming and training in order for her to serve God to her utmost for His Glory, which is the reason for it all..
What a beautiful, transparent post! Believe me, I can relate to the 'far from being the Mother I should have been...' part. Fortunately, God "knows we are but dust" and the Holy Spirit intercedes for us when we don't know how to pray. I'm thankful that He is bigger than our mistakes and short-comings! Continuing to pray for your family during this time of transition. What a blessing to know that even though you're entering a new chapter, Mary will always be your daughter! The time of 'teaching' may be nearing an end, but a time of friendship is just beginning! God bless you all!! :)
ReplyDeleteThanks Maria.. I appreciate the confidence! It's not an easy time.. mostly because of self! Hard to let go.. but realizing that God just gave her to us for a little while...and she will always be our girl helps!
ReplyDeletePraying for you and Riley in your transitions stage as well!